Sita Moves Aside
I go through more and more times when I’m a recluse.
I like it that way. I quiet down. Buzz with the trees. Quiet my mind.
I used to be very social and this kind of shift confuses the community. The parents. The girlfriends. People worry. People expect, because they’re used to something different.
Come, take this badge off a’ me.
There isn’t a should about this or a right or wrong to any of it. “You do what you do because that’s what the harmony of the universe requires,” (BHN, p. 54).
I do what I do because that’s what I do. I could call it living on guidance. That’s not exactly right. It’s not like an outside voice leads the way. It’s more like an internal compass that directs me in the direction the universe requires. Because it couldn’t possibly be any other way.
Even my struggles are divinely designed.
That’s not quite right either. Divinely dreamed?
Just dreamed.
To get into these places that are beyond words and description is challenging to a talker and a writer like I am. I don’t feel like explaining what I can’t explain. We do love our metaphors.
Today I was driving and I saw in front of me on a fancy black sports car – my boyfriend would have been able to tell you the make – a license plate that read: VMPYR. Yes, just the analogy I’d been thinking of.
Did you read those Anne Rice books? I read them in high school. Was so into them that when I yawned and my eyes teared up, I thought there would be blood on my fingers when I wiped my cheeks.
Anyway,
when the humans were bit by the vampires and then drank vampire blood, they underwent a metamorphosis. It was a sickly and painful process, always explained to the fledglings by the elders that the human body was dying. The being would fall exhaustedly asleep, and after some time, the new vampire would wake up, and everything was clear and sharply focused.
I’m in that in-between stage. Sort of the purgatory between taking (as Jed McKenna calls and capitalizes it) the First Step and completely waking up. I dig it. It’s fun and I’m focused. And at the same time bitchy and verging on insane.
Then again, those who know what I mean are the sanest people I can come across.
Sane is in the eye of the beholder.
For more writing from Carin (aka Carina ShantiOm), please visit www.nowstayopen.com
September 28th, 2010 at 9:46 pm
Wow, do I know what you’re saying. A joy to read.
September 28th, 2010 at 10:14 pm
Dear Carin, Thank you for your post and especially the title! I remember somewhere I think in Paths to God where RamDass talks abt that wild feeling on the path of awakening where your friends aren’t sure *what* is going on with you, LOL, that was reassuring – its nice to hear your sharing. For me right now, I want to know more abt Sita moving aside… I am thinking of Sita on the path in between Ram and Laksaman (p. 50). And there is this delightful feeling – like when you glimpse the sun throught the clouds (definitely Love metaphors). Even more real for me is its like when a mommy/papa is playing peek-a-boo with their baby – It’s a Wonder-Full, delightful feeling for both Mom and baby… – and a way to really feel that feeling of being Found/Finding Your Heart. I can feel it inside me from both perspectives the mommy and the baby – when my face is covered I’m Ram, blocked by Sita (my hands?) from Laksaman’s view (ego?/soul?), and when my face is open to my baby, I’m Ram uncovered and Laksaman can see me clearly – lovely so far. But here’s what keeps getting under my skin – eventually in the story of Ram, Ram leaves Sita bc of doing what is best for his kingdom. this really bugs me – how can it be ok to abandon your wife, your love? why would a god do this? is the Laksaman the ego? is Sita the ego? feel a bit insane myself – been mulling this over for months, so your title prompted this outpouring and if anyone can explain this to my heart <3… Bolo bolo Ram.
September 28th, 2010 at 10:43 pm
@Maria: Thank you for the thoughtful post.
You ask, “Ram leaves Sita bc of doing what is best for his kingdom. this really bugs me – how can it be ok to abandon your wife, your love? why would a god do this? is the Laksaman the ego? is Sita the ego?”
I’ll volley back. These questions assume that there is right/wrong.
Consider that there is no opinion in the One.
September 29th, 2010 at 1:59 am
Hmmmm. Thank you for pointing it out – when I used “ok” it does sound like I’m looking at it in terms of right and wrong…but more than a dogma(which I admit to getting caught in which makes me laugh at myself – thank you) , I’m trying to assuage my broken heart – trying to understand not at a head level, but a heart level what does it mean when we are left? i’m looking in this story for other levels of meaning – i truly have tried to hold it in my heart as having no right/wrong, but being a story of the One, and I’m looking for others’ experience of what that story means to you/them – -to help me on my journey when i get stuck…. Thank you for helping me keep considering. Thank you all for this 108 day journey that you allow us to journey with you. Namaste.
September 29th, 2010 at 2:42 am
Maria,
Thanks for being a part of the 108 day – and lifetime – journey with us.
I wish I had more to give you on the topic of Sita and Ram. I’m remembering as I write this to you that I forgot to add what I usually do at the end of my posts:
For more writing from Carin (aka Carina ShantiOm), please visit http://www.nowstayopen.com
and
http://www.whatamidoingup.tumblr.com.
Thank you for the reminder! If you want to play with me in another venue, we could explore your questions at Stay Open: Spiritual and Self-Care Space and see what comes up for us. I’m journeying right there with ya.
cc
October 1st, 2010 at 10:11 pm
And please all, feel free to dialogue with us here. We’re all tripping along together.
November 30th, 2010 at 7:48 am
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