Ram Dass Now

I am at the market, getting food for dinner. I have my 2 year old in the cart, and I am wearing my 8 week old in a front pack. My 8 week old starts crying…he wants to nurse… but I need to get food!..he gets more upset…my 2 year old keeps telling me Canyon (my baby) is sad…I know!..I try to go faster, and faster…I am getting sweaty, he is NOT happy. As I walk, trying to rock him back and forth while I move forward at the same time, I think about Coby, and the story on page 24.

I stop.

As I look into my baby’s eyes, I see him for the first time since we have been in the store. Not in terms of seeing with my eyes, but seeing with my heart. He starts to calm down as I calm myself down. His look of total innocence takes any cover I had over my heart and rips it right off. I leave the store, not getting half the things I had intended to get. But it does not matter. Staying in there was costing way too much! And not in terms of money.

As Canyon was crying, I kept telling him that it was ok, that I loved him. When I decided to stop and REALLY look at him, when he stopped crying, I said the same exact thing. Why did he not stop crying before? The words were the same. Well, it is simple. He was picking up on my vibrations. He could care less what I said. My stress was directly absorbed into his being, and when I was able to stop and calm my mind, he did so as well.

So often, I feel as though I need to use words to express myself. I was with a friend today, and she was telling me about a tragic incident that had happened to her. I felt such compassion towards her. It seemed like nothing I was saying to her could relate this feeling back to her. It was frustrating. I really wanted her to know how much love and empathy I was feeling. But nothing could…quite…you know how it is. Then I just looked at her in her eyes for a while, and that was it. She finally felt it. Again, it wasn’t in the words, it was in the vibrations.

As a side note, in honor of something I said in my last post (not living my life to be who others want me to be anymore), I decided to stop shaving. I have never liked shaving! Take that society!

It is so wonderful being here now with y’all. I hope you can feel my love, because I am not about to try and explain it.