Loving yourself

Zach_Leary

All of the major religions proclaim “the kingdom of heaven is within”, that’s a generally accepted point of view. Everything you’re looking for is already within you and that you really don’t have to look anywhere else but inside. Here we say “you are the guru.”

There’s a wonderful little realization of the infinite truth that I get from these pages (64-70), that isn’t really said rather it is implied over and over again.

So if you are the guru and the guru is infinite blissful love then first you must love yourself before you can love others. That’s it. If inside, we are truly “sat chit ananda” then there is no other option. To me it’s a very simple yet powerful thought. Am I over simplifying it? I don’t think so.

I’ve spent many years feeling unworthy of love and very much unworthy of self acceptance. I could never get over some of my past actions or my current thoughts. “Gosh, I think such terrible defect-oriented thoughts that I mustn’t be pure.” Or, “I used to do terrible things to get more drugs so I must be broken and corrupt.” Not too much different than how RD must have felt when we saw Maharaj-ji after having wild sexual thoughts that he was sure Baba knew about (pg 68). I’ve learned that all of my thoughts and feelings make up who I am and they all are perfect. I’ve been reminded many times to not live in the past and to love who I am right now.

So, if the guru’s love is inside of me then what greater order do I have than to shine it on myself first. The soul is full of bliss anyway, ananda. Using the idea of the guru to me is like what we talked about last week – he or she can be used as a vibrational reminder in the physical plane. It’s not idolatry – it’s just using the guru’s physical self to remind us of the unphysical. The merging of the understanding that God is both impersonal and personal.

But how I do I take that ananda, that infinite love, with me all the time? I may have written about it in a previous post but I do find the trick is to practice these ideas all of the time, in every situation. It’s easier to be be “here in love” when things are going well. The real test and connection to Godlovehead is when things appear to be difficult. Resentment, anger, shame, death, hurt feelings, sadness, loneliness – all of life’s heartaches provide so much room to practice yet are so powerful that it becomes very challenging. How can I use the gurus infinite love when I’m full of seething resentment? When my ego is bruised and I want things to go my way how do I compassionately love my way to gratitude? I wish I knew more about this. That’s where I’m at in my process and this book is helping me through it.

To be continued as I continue to explore within and without…


8 Responses to “Loving yourself”

  • Kim Clark Says:

    Timely post. A await the continuation. Baba nam kevalam.

  • Kim Clark Says:

    Okay – I await the continuation -

  • don radick Says:

    Buddhists say that even our kleshas are mainfestations of Buddha mind. Everything is grist for the mill.

  • Carin Channing Says:

    I adore this post and I adore getting to know you, brother Zach.

  • Blake_Tedder Says:

    “If inside, we are truly “sat chit ananda” then there is no other option.” — I love this. If it’s all satchitananda, options don’t exist. It’s all sweet and alive.

    Zack, I too have had a hard time loving myself. It’s not that uncommon in our culture, where we are always told to better ourselves. It has been a hard practice for me. I am loving myself more than I ever have. But I still feel very guarded at the core. My core is wound tight and still not letting love in. But that’s why we practice. Chiseling the block of marble to find the goddess statue at the core. Thank you for sharing your story and giving me a reason to share mine.

  • Blake_Tedder Says:

    “If inside, we are truly “sat chit ananda” then there is no other option.” — I love this. If it’s all satchitananda, options don’t exist. It’s all sweet and alive.

    Zack, I too have had a hard time loving myself. It’s not that uncommon in our culture, where we are always told to better ourselves. It has been a hard practice for me. I am loving myself more than I ever have. But I still feel very guarded at the core. My core is wound tight and still not letting love in. But that’s why we practice. Chiseling the block of marble to find the goddess statue at the core. Thank you for sharing your story and giving me a space and context to share a little of mine.

  • Carin Channing Says:

    Blake, Zach, et al.,

    ” . . . we are always told to better ourselves.”

    Pop!

    This comes alive for me here in the same way the Moby Dick story comes together at the end of Jed McKenna’s second book. “Call me Ishmael.” Brilliant.

    YES. We ARE told to better ourselves.

  • Melissa_Duncan Says:

    So true, Zach. So much different when life is challenging us. Been working on the connection during harder times as well. Lovely post.

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