Falling Back and Letting Go
As I look out my living room window, I can see the winter’s first snow slowly melting off of the trees. When I woke up this morning, the trees were radiantly white. Drop by drop, they are changing back into the colors of fall. The trees look pretty much the same as they did yesterday afternoon, before the snow fell. Yet on the inside of the tree, there are profound changes. They are full of the water that fell from the skies. Water that will help them grow. They may not use all of the water up right away, but it will always be there, ready to be utilized when the time is ripe. The thing is, when the tree is covered in the snow, all it really feels is coldness and darkness. It isn’t able to see the beauty that lies beyond the veil of the snow. I don’t think the tree even cares. It knows that it is just all perfect as it is. Wet, dry, cold, hot, dark, light. Going with the flow of the universe.
At the beginning of last week, I was the snowless tree. Then, I got covered in a thick, heavy snow, emotionally speaking. I felt so dark inside. I was angry, sad, depressed, exhausted. I was so down that it got to the point where I just could not take it anymore. So I fell back. I gave up. What happened then was exactly what page 105 says:
…and then I was ready for the next message
When I became quiet enough to hear it, it was all so clear. Every piece of the puzzle was a reflection of myself. All of a sudden, I saw it.
“I just found my own shadow. All the time, that’s all you ever find: yourself” (p104)
I could see all the places I was stuck. Carin had some beautiful words:
“Relationships- as vehicles for awakening- don’t have anything to do with the other person”
So true! It really had nothing to do with the other person. Once I turned inward and confronted the places deep within me where I was all clogged up, and was able to really work with those areas, I felt the light slowly replace the darkness.
I have been graced with an opportunity to open more fully to my true self. If this situation had never happened, then I would still be stuck deep down. I feel thankful to have the opportunity to liberate the part of me that has to be in control. This is a chance to let go.
Drop by drop, I am getting closer to my original state, returning home.