How do I listen to that which will destroy me?
There’s no place to attack. Nothing to grapple and pull. No eyes to scratch out.
What move do I do when there’s no move I can do?
Can’t even escape. Trying anything to try anything.
Knowing it’s all-in when one finger tests the woodchipper.
I’ve approached the black hole with no where to go but to the womb of the universe.
And I am still trying to claw out.
Stretching like taffy. Too insignificant to explode.
And why can’t I just die in her?
Why don’t I want to be in that womb?
It’s just a mad orgy of elements in there. Love’s rudiment.
How simple it would be.
This one typing who loves to have her
Press her soft tongue through his teeth.
____ will ___ also____have ___ to____
Let her hot sword run through his soft belly.
You see. I know that.
But I’ll never know until I see the blood.
Who can take up offense to these thousand sworded arms of the way things are?
She’s a seductress. Where can I stand and be hard for her. And not be cut open.
I want to fuck her and create galaxies. To be Creator.
But am beginning to think
She’d rather stomp me flat into a batter of vastness.
Spin me like a discus. And set me adrift with spiraling appendages and spilling guts.
Creating unexceptional galaxies of me birth after birth.
Is there a place in her where I can be? At ease.
When she’s a daisy. But whatabout when
she’s a rainbow of brutality. a shapeshifter. a flamethrower.
As soon as I lie like a child in her lap, seeking her breast,
With one stroke of her gritty fingernail, she scrapes a deep fault in my own chest.
Showing me exactly where to fall in.
She’s also at the bottom, nasty maw spread wide — starving.
I can’t escape her love.
I want her now. I want her in every breath I take.
I want to take her in, and birth a new being too great to cower within these rough shells.
I want Mother to erupt in me and violently blow off these layers.
I want to be Mother.
But I - still – can’t – confront her. I can’t beguile her.
I still beliveve I have something to lose.
So pleading is all I can do.
Mother Kali, I want your chaos.
I want you to pick your teeth with my ribs and drink directly from my pumping heart.
Take this body and use it as your whip. Give it not one thought of mercy.
But let my heart be in yours. Let it know your warmth and your kindness and love.
Even as my bloody skull dangles and clanks around your neck.