Ram Dass Now

I grew up along the banks of the big, beautiful Susquehanna river. Its wide expanse is bordered by a variety of trees, bushes and animals sometimes submerged and re-emerging in a new form. An ever-changing scene of non-delineated is-ness. Always changing but also always the same overall happening.

Years ago the river was contained by small dikes that allowed an unobstructed view all along the edge. Now the view is compromised by large walls put in place to hold back its raging waters when they rise to flood.

I would go to the river often to be comforted by its ever-flowing, steady presence and found solace in knowing it was always there. It is one of my sacred places.I could sit on those banks and watch its purposeful meanderings for hours and the concerns of my heart and head would be carried downstream as I contemplated the mystery and magic of it all.

Its murky, brown waters although often calm and serene would sometimes become a raging torrent. But no matter the mood the waters flowed. I could surrender to that flow and trust that I too could be carried along the currents to whatever lies ahead if I could find a way to trust the river…surrender to the meanderings and forward moving momentum of my life…let it takes its course………..but not by being passive.

The river is full of life, creative force and has definite direction. As it journeys along it is also stirring things up and carrying resources and creating life-giving energy while at the same time just being a river flowing.

I love that river. It is part of who I am.

Last night just before sleeping I re-read the pages 64-70 of Be Here Now and asked for guidance about how to express how my connection to Maharaj-ji informs my life. My dreams took me to the banks of my beloved river and I awoke to the realization that Maharaj-ji is a larger expression of what was revealed to me through my experiences on the river banks.

The love, reverence and awe I feel for both the river and Maharaj-ji opens me up to loving myself and others because in their presence I become acutely aware of eternity and its perfection. Both the river and Maharaj-ji seem to flow in a timeless dimension where all is as it should be. When I sit in that presence I feel a deep peace and I recognize that all of us are part of that perfection just the way we are.

I live many hours drive from the Susquehanna now but the experience is with me always.

“Maharaj-ji is not further away from you at this moment than the thought you’re thinking now..” page 64

Just this morning I walked out of the my new, little apartment and walked past the big home I just moved from.  I saw the new owner’s car in the driveway and had a moment of the sinking feeling of loss that comes from attachment. I kept walking with my sadness around the corner on this gorgeous autumn day in New England and was greeted by a huge, vibrant rainbow. It was an immediate reminder that although I may not be on the banks of that river anymore, I am always resting in the eternal flow of this beautiful life and all is as it should be.

p.s. I’ve been sitting in a coffee shop for the last hour typing this since I haven’t been wired for internet at my new place yet. Just as I was writing about seeing the rainbow a man at the counter exclaimed  to someone, “Can you believe that rainbow is still visible in the sky?” ………..…always there.

I really enjoy reading page 52. The visual images are really simple and capture so much. If I imagine Ram Dass telling me what he means for me with this page, I picture either him looking at me with a grin waiting for me to finish my verbal thought train, and/or him saying:

Relax man. You may feel important, and like the rest of us, you are, but just not in the way you thoughts have you thinking that you are. Remember that being attached to anything, including the role of helper or lover, etc., creates suffering, which means more time here to work through it. But you do that because you love the Divine Mother; that total embodiment of all experiences —your greedy pursuit (attachment) of that perfect affection/resonance that totally reflects you, paradoxically keeps you all locked up, away from your transformative fire; you stay stuck in the role of ‘experiencer’. . . all so that you can sit with that amazing lover a little longer.  Whenever you’re ready . . . to re-union with her very essence, instead of being distracted by her trinkets . . . then things will happen in a really cool way.

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“As long as we’re greedy for experience we’re going to be around for quite a while . . . “

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You’re here to go on whatever trip you need in order to find your courage to face your fire (the crisp trip, Tapasia), then get what you need from the greed trip, then move on. But no rush.

And all of these ‘fires/lessons’ are but specks on the beauty of the Divine Mother, who is waiting for you right here  . . . Gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhisvaha om

I realized as I was writing this that it’s completely Ok for me to ‘want’ to hang around here and bask in her light. It’s Ok to have that greedy longing to love the essence that reflects me (and all else) so well. James Taylor sings:

Whenever you’re ready
You could see a dream come true
Whenever you’re ready
I’m just saying it’s up to you
Whenever you’re ready
Things could start looking up
Whenever you’re ready
Take a big sip from the loving cup

So, whenever you’re ready to release attachment to the Divine Mother, you’ll finally be at one with her, drinking tea from the loving cup.

Namaste’

Jon

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I’m in the process of moving from a home I’ve lived in for years to a much smaller apartment. There’s nothing quite like sorting through years of accumulated life-stuff to bring up issues of attachment and desire.

Sorting through everything from dishes, books (many!) and furniture to boxes of my kids baby clothes and oh-so-precious drawings from kindergarten and deciding what I can keep and what I need to let go of is a journey into the crazy way my mind connects the ‘stuff’ of my life to who I am.

Who would I be and what would my life mean if those things that are attached to memories were gone? And won’t the attachment to the memories still be there? What is the desire that is being fulfilled by hanging onto those things? And is it truly necessary to get rid of all of the stuff in order to get free of the attachment and desire?

I’m confused really about how to be fully in the here and now and yet maintain a healthy connection to the memories and things that do in fact define me. I know my spirit exists outside the things and circumstances of my life. However, I also believe my life is infused with that spirit in every moment and that when I leave this body the life experiences I have had will be in some way incorporated into that spirit body.

Is that just my ego being “attached to this particular time-space locus” (pg 38)? Or is that faith?

I know I don’t have to rid myself of all worldy goods and go live in a cave to be free. I know it is perfectly fine to have things around me that evoke memories both happy and sad …they open my heart. I also know that there is a difference between needing to hang onto stuff (and thoughts) and letting them be there without attaching to them.

I can get too much in my head about all of this. It seems that when my heart feels too much my mind thinks it is time to step in and take control.  It is then that I take myself for a walk.

Just the other day I was doing one of those walks to shift back from head to heart.I was listening to and watching the sounds and sights of seasons shifting.The soft winds created a rustling noise in the dry-leaf trees and the squirrels were being blown about on the limbs dropping acorns to the road below with soft thuds. I was watching the squirrels as they frantically rushed about trying to stock up for winter while they were at the same time munching some of the stash to fatten up. And I watched a single gorgeous chrimson leaf let go from a tree and swirl to the ground. It all seemed to be happening just as it should with nobody figuring out how it should be.

So as I sit here now…stuck between hanging on and letting go, I am reminded that I have no say in when that leaf will fall. What I can do is trust that the tree knows the perfect moment.