Oct 2 2010

Divine Mother Kali


This magical mystery tour of the life we all live keeps me in a constant state of wonder and awe. I’ve been thinking about the fragility of my human body and mind and the eternal nature of my soul and how moving into my heart  seems to bring it all together.

It is as if the heart bridges the gap between the temporal and the eternal…not only bridges the gap…it is it all.

Om Kali Om Kali Om Kali Om

I am sitting amidst the chaos of a house half-packed chanting with Bhagavan Das from his “Now” CD…

“Jai Kali Ma, Jai Kali Ma, take from me all that is not free…”

Anytime I’ve felt the need to accelerate the burn, dive in for the ‘crisp trip’…when the veils part enough and I see the show isn’t the whole story it is then I call out to Kali to bring it on.

This usually happens when disillusionment is brought on by the implosion of some expectation of how my life ‘should’ be happening.

She brings grace in the form of chaos. Sometimes I need that fierce grace.

The Mahanirvana Tantra says: “Just as all colors disappear in black, so all names and forms disappear in her.”

The energy that seduces and induces desires and then swallows them completely.

She is it all.

I love the magic and have have grown to respect the madness for all of the energy it carries.

Letting that shakti burn away  defenses and pretenses leaves me raw and vulnerable and open to receive.

She brings grace in the form of chaos and then is there to pick up the pieces.

The LOVE…ever present “Beyond the Beyond” it awaits.

Resting in that love feels good.

“The feel is real” as Bhagavan Das says.

Jai Ma Durga!

Chanting Hey Ma Durga in a room full of people with Krishna Das brings  me to tears every time because I feel us all…like one collective primal soul singing out to the universe from a place of tenderness and pain about the almost unbearable beauty of all that is.

I’m posting the following from the liner notes of his CD Breath of Heart because I think it is so beautiful and speaks to the message. (I hope this is ok with KD.)

Surround me with your loving arms…hold me in your heart.

Let me know that I am loved

and that I can love.

Show me that no matter where I go

That I come and go in You.

I am never out of your loving presence.

That you are the smile behind the smile,

the touch behind the touch

The kiss behind the kiss…

You are the constant presence that I forget until I remember

and when I remember my Self, I remember You.

I sing your Name. What else can I think of? You ARE Love.

And I AM You.

Thank you Krishna Das and Bhagavan Das for singing my heart open.

Sep 29 2010

Embracing Kali

How do I listen to that which will destroy me?
There’s no place to attack. Nothing to grapple and pull. No eyes to scratch out.
What move do I do when there’s no move I can do?
Can’t even escape. Trying anything to try anything.
Knowing it’s all-in when one finger tests the woodchipper.

I’ve approached the black hole with no where to go but to the womb of the universe.
And I am still trying to claw out.
Stretching like taffy. Too insignificant to explode.
And why can’t I just die in her?
Why don’t I want to be in that womb?
It’s just a mad orgy of elements in there. Love’s rudiment.
How simple it would be.

I know.
This one typing who loves to have her
Press her soft tongue through his teeth.
____ will ___ also____have ___ to____
Let her hot sword run through his soft belly.
You see. I know that.
But I’ll never know until I see the blood.

Who can take up offense to these thousand sworded arms of the way things are?
She’s a seductress. Where can I stand and be hard for her. And not be cut open.
I want to fuck her and create galaxies. To be Creator.
But am beginning to think
She’d rather stomp me flat into a batter of vastness.
Spin me like a discus. And set me adrift with spiraling appendages and spilling guts.
Creating unexceptional galaxies of me birth after birth.

Is there a place in her where I can be? At ease.
When she’s a daisy. But whatabout when
she’s a rainbow of brutality. a shapeshifter. a flamethrower.
As soon as I lie like a child in her lap, seeking her breast,
With one stroke of her gritty fingernail, she scrapes a deep fault in my own chest.
Showing me exactly where to fall in.
She’s also at the bottom, nasty maw spread wide — starving.
I can’t escape her love.

I want her now. I want her in every breath I take.
I want to take her in, and birth a new being too great to cower within these rough shells.
I want Mother to erupt in me and violently blow off these layers.
I want to be Mother.
But I – still – can’t – confront her. I can’t beguile her.
I still beliveve I have something to lose.
So pleading is all I can do.

Mother Kali, I want your chaos.
I want you to pick your teeth with my ribs and drink directly from my pumping heart.
Take this body and use it as your whip. Give it not one thought of mercy.
But let my heart be in yours. Let it know your warmth and your kindness and love.
Even as my bloody skull dangles and clanks around your neck.