Ram Dass Now

I want my writing to make more sense than it seems to make. But that’s how this trip is: it doesn’t make any sense.

And yet, we know it to be true. On page 16, Ram Dass says, “It’s intuitively valid. Inside you know it’s right.” And so must everything be that shows up on this page tonight. I’ve written this post more times over the last few days than I care to recall. Attempting to plan. Ha!

So as I hear this beautiful song that comes on my Pandora (Devi 2000 singing “Camp Ma Rama”), let’s let this flow . . .

[I wrote these notes on some post-its today while at work at the psych hospital.]

We’re all hallucinating all the time.

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The point is not to feel better; it is to feel. The depth of this moment is all there is and our folly is to attempt to escape this. We will never be away from the now. [This is how we must die. To every sensation but this moment. To past, to future, to thoughts that think past and future exist at all.]

Scary? Go ahead and be scared. There’s the paradox — having the courage to be scared. I mean, what did I expect, taking on a process such as this? And these processes . . . am I willing to look into that mirror? Whose face will I see back?

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“Turn around and look at yourself. ” That’s the order we’re being given. “And see who you truly are.” It’s what we’re asking for. By picking up this book and this project, boy are we asking for it.

And I see Ram Dass’s face in the hand-held mirror, and Zach asks, “Who are you now?” and there we are.

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I’ve written well over a thousand words for this post and have erased all but about 300 at this point. When I get into the pages and into myself, there’s not that much to say.

Once those veils are pulled away, in this human’s experience, there is emptiness and stillness and total aliveness and it can be very, very quiet.

And it can sound like Jerry Garcia’s guitar.

I have faith and I feel it from inside. There’s nothing rational about it.

I watch the circumstances of my life that sometimes look really fucked.

But even to write that I know that what I’ve just written doesn’t make any sense either. How can what is be fucked? How can anything ever be wrong? Now is now. It just is.

See, I’m really grateful for that intuitive knowing that I have, the knowing, that is so far beyond language that I praise the writers and teachers who have been able to express these pointers:  Ram Dass, Rumi, Eckhart Tolle . . .

Without having their guidance, I might think I was even crazier than I already do. I know some other people think I am. I’m pretty sure we all are. Maybe the people in the psych hospital just don’t have a context for what they’re experiencing.

I can’t describe it because it is infinite and uncontainable. It is absolutely everything and it is all right now and it feels really nice and calm and peaceful and I’ll tell you what, boy howdy, sometimes it’s all I have to fall back on. And it never let’s me down.

To know this is faith. To understand that we are always kept in the arms of the Divine Mother. May we go deeply enough during the wild times that we continue to know this truth. Yes, it’s easy to sense the truth when I’m turning on in one of these specific ways (falling in love, yoga, being around a realized being), but what about when everything seems fucked?

Yep. That’s it. Exactly. Right there. Right here.

Peace, y’all.

For more writing from Carin (aka Carina ShantiOm), please visit www.nowstayopen.com.

The last paragraph of the “transformation” portion of Be Here Now says “Now, though I am a beginner on the path, I have returned to the West for a time to work out karma or unfulfilled commitment….Each of us finds his unique vehicle for sharing with others his bit of wisdom.”

My thoughts exactly.

The importance of “Be Here Now” can be told by many. It can and has been told many many times. Without question it is one of the true iconic manifestos from the 1960’s. Above all, however, it is a manual for being that is just as relevant today as it was in 1970. It is a guide for students and teachers alike.

As a student on the path, I would like to share my own experiences and how this grace of “knowing” has illuminated a path from my mind to heart and from my heart outwards.

While I’m still finding my vehicle for sharing my wisdom with others, I am profoundly awakened in this moment. It’s a beautiful and auspicious day to be sharing with this tribe. 15 years ago today the great American musical yogi Jerry Garcia left his body. Without going off on too much of a tangent, I am so beautifully reminded that he shared his gift of song and sorcery with us on such a moment by moment basis. Sometimes, it was other worldly and sometimes it was inextricably human – nonetheless, Jerry was a great teacher for nurturing ones god given gift.

As I fully awaken right now, my “heart cave” is open and full of the oneness of cosmic energy. The trick it seems is to string a bunch of these moments together to form a day to day conscious approach to life on this planet. Dancing through our lila and not separating it from the divine that it is here and now. It’s too easy to just have a good random moment here and there and not make the connection. I get so caught up in the drama of my life – the being of my ego personality or the being that is required to perform a certain role. The heart cave turns into a mind cave so fast that I often end up being nowhere near now. I call it “suffering in advance.”

I love to panic about what’s gonna happen later – what’s gonna happen when I take that call at 1100 am, or when I have to balance the budget for the month, or when I have to confront the person I don’t get along with? It’s all gonna go really badly, right? I’m going to get angry and freaked out. I suffer in advance. The trip of being alive and human takes on many windy roads all of which are accompanied by our stuff unless we…

“Start again. Become that trusting open surrendered being” (Page 1 from “The Core Book”)

When has God ever let me down? When has the universe and it’s energy ever done me wrong? Never if I choose to look at it all as it exactly is, separating my ego the bigger unfolding.

So, as we get into the first pages of “The Core Book” and leave the “Transformation” it’s hard to not be attached to method. The methods outlined here are groovy and I love being on that trip. It works for me. I am becoming a pretty good student of many forms of Yoga, starting to sing the sweet names of the beloved and have a mala around my neck all the time. It’s far out and a lot of fun!

But the attachment to those methods is also just attachment. Many great teachers of late have pointed out that the true awakening is when you are free from the method itself and are bonded with the places they take you.

Page 2 clearly says “consciousness = energy = love = awareness = light = wisdom = beauty = truth = purity. It’s all the same trip.”

Maharaji-ji was the pure embodiment of light and energy. There was no separation and there were no boundaries. He was finely tuned. As I venture out on this weeks course in the college of life, I’d do best to remember that.

With that, until my next post. For now, I look forward to reading what my cyber soul brothers and sisters write!