Oct 11 2010

Loving yourself

Zach_Leary

All of the major religions proclaim “the kingdom of heaven is within”, that’s a generally accepted point of view. Everything you’re looking for is already within you and that you really don’t have to look anywhere else but inside. Here we say “you are the guru.”

There’s a wonderful little realization of the infinite truth that I get from these pages (64-70), that isn’t really said rather it is implied over and over again.

So if you are the guru and the guru is infinite blissful love then first you must love yourself before you can love others. That’s it. If inside, we are truly “sat chit ananda” then there is no other option. To me it’s a very simple yet powerful thought. Am I over simplifying it? I don’t think so.

I’ve spent many years feeling unworthy of love and very much unworthy of self acceptance. I could never get over some of my past actions or my current thoughts. “Gosh, I think such terrible defect-oriented thoughts that I mustn’t be pure.” Or, “I used to do terrible things to get more drugs so I must be broken and corrupt.” Not too much different than how RD must have felt when we saw Maharaj-ji after having wild sexual thoughts that he was sure Baba knew about (pg 68). I’ve learned that all of my thoughts and feelings make up who I am and they all are perfect. I’ve been reminded many times to not live in the past and to love who I am right now.

So, if the guru’s love is inside of me then what greater order do I have than to shine it on myself first. The soul is full of bliss anyway, ananda. Using the idea of the guru to me is like what we talked about last week – he or she can be used as a vibrational reminder in the physical plane. It’s not idolatry – it’s just using the guru’s physical self to remind us of the unphysical. The merging of the understanding that God is both impersonal and personal.

But how I do I take that ananda, that infinite love, with me all the time? I may have written about it in a previous post but I do find the trick is to practice these ideas all of the time, in every situation. It’s easier to be be “here in love” when things are going well. The real test and connection to Godlovehead is when things appear to be difficult. Resentment, anger, shame, death, hurt feelings, sadness, loneliness – all of life’s heartaches provide so much room to practice yet are so powerful that it becomes very challenging. How can I use the gurus infinite love when I’m full of seething resentment? When my ego is bruised and I want things to go my way how do I compassionately love my way to gratitude? I wish I knew more about this. That’s where I’m at in my process and this book is helping me through it.

To be continued as I continue to explore within and without…