It’s ok to doubt. Just love while you doubt.
“Those of little faith need long fingernails and long hair to believe it’s happening” (P 73)
And what’s wrong with that? We’ve been going round about how it’s all the same stuff, and about how it’s ok to be right where you are at, including if you feel like you need proof; it’s just where you are on your path . . . it’s no better to be 4 yrs old than it is to be 40 yrs old, it’s just where you’re at. So “Lest ye see miracles ye will not believe”? Ok, then show me miracles–and I don’t mean the miracle of how the fertilized egg ‘knows’ how to split into various body parts–I’m talking about a physical reality that cannot be explained by science, slight of hand, or any other parlor trick. Let me see somebody levitate while standing in a random field (vs in an environment where there could be hidden devices to create the illusion).
I refuse to lie about what I believe, what I have experienced. I refuse to fake faith. I will not engage in the very fraud that I get all self-righteous about.
I asked up above ‘So what’s wrong with that?’ . . . And the answer is, Ram Dass didn’t say there is anything wrong with that. Nor did Jesus. They just stated that folks who believe without seeing are in a different place. It was me (and maybe you, too) who added the judgment. It was me who assumed that they wanted me to believe in magic; it was me who projected my own fears, doubts and judgments into their messages. And if neat tricks help people move towards lovingkindness, then so be it. Am I the one to sit in judgment? Nope; well, except to the degree that I do.
I have prayed to God, Jesus, and Mary, I’ve asked Maharajji, Buddha and Krishna, and even my Papa to grace me with something to break down my own wall of doubt–to the point of sincerely crying from hunger to simply believe without seeing. . . and I still doubt, it’s just where I’m at. So for all of you who may secretly doubt, but don’t want to seem like a ‘bad Christian’ or a ‘unfaithful devotee’ I say, you are not alone. Allow your doubts to exist if they are already there. Never deprive yourself of sacred honesty. My best understanding is that if you deny your reality, then it will persist until you come to terms with it. With you, I pray for a deeper faith that doesn’t need to bother with proof or lack thereof. Just to love and to be loved. Until then, I’ll meditate and be honest with my fellow travelers. Namaste’
Jon
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